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[16 May 2007|02:26pm] |
I haven't written in here in literally years.
My thoughts have been so clouded that anything I would have written down would have either landed me in an asylum or have been just simply confusing.
But I've come to a realization, and this is it.
To struggle to keep someone because you want them to love you, doesn't mean they really do.
To love is a choice. If you remove that choice then there is no love.
I am amazing. It is only worth it to give myself to someone who appreciates that and doesn't need to look for anything else.
If they do, then I'm not right for them and shouldn't waste their or my time when either of us can find someone who truly does appreciate who we are (I am).
Let him go. Know that I'm okay and realize that I will be okay whether I've found someone who can appreciate me or not - because I know what I'm worth.
I'm only worth as much as I will accept, and I'm worth everything.
I will not lose myself to any one person.
I am whole without your help.
There are no exceptions, so accept nothing less.
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[06 Mar 2005|07:59pm] |
Sucks.
Please never take anything for granted.
...i love you all...
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[24 Sep 2004|03:54pm] |
holy shit.
here we go.
tuesday was the day of green day.
I managed to get through the day's classes and waited patiently for the time to roll around...A lot of things happened with my mom and brit so at a few points it was doubtful that they were coming but in the end everything was okay....so im waiting for them to get going and finally get here and i cant stay in the dorm...me and alana walk down to irving cause i wanted to see the people waiting...two hours before doors open and the line to get in was around the block...there were those fucking humongous spotlights out in front that you see from miles away when something big is going on, all just for green day....i go inside the box office to ask if there were any opening bands cause i didnt know if my mom and brit would make it on time and i was freaking out but the guy said there was none, and that green day would be going on at about 9....when all the while i was having this conversation with the box office guy i could hear the sounds of their sound check coming from the next room...holy shit...
we walk out and im flipping out, (i think i mightve scared the shit out of alana), and go back to the dorm to wait to hear from my mom and brit...again, i cant just sit there so we walk and i buy a camera (THANK GOD) and we find a parking garage that my mom can park in and i finally get the call that shes in manhatten and now i have to direct her through the streets to make it to the parking thing...they FINALLY get here and we FINALLY walk over to irving, are let in, and walk into this adorable freakin place thats like all gold and red velvet and reminds me of an old falling apart beautiful haunted house....im pissed cause i think we're gonna be in the back now, but we make our way through the doors into the TINY TINY TINY room and into the middle of the crowd...cause the doors were on the side of the room...so we conviently squeezed our way mid-left...
we wait while listening to the entire soundtrack to rocky horror picture show and i really just cant describe, well i just cant describe....
and they come on...
sorry a lot of these are blurry cause i had trouble staying still...
...how UNBELIEVABLE is that??!?!??!?!??!?!?!!?!?!?! hold on there's more...im only putting up the ones that are less blurry though, haha....oops
CONFETTI BOMB!!!!!!
this was awesome....billie joe had taken a mask that some kid had in the audience of President Bush with IDIOT written across the forehead (American Idiot) so he takes it and PUTS IT ON HIS HEAD, lol...and then continues to stand there motionless and sing the part of one of his songs in a really high-pitched voice that goes "nobody likes you, everyone left you, theyre all out without you, having fun"
love love love love love it...
so yes GREEN DAY plays their entire new album all the way through, awesome....then goes offstage, but the lights STAY OFF....therefore i now start freaking out cause this means theyre coming back onstage, but all there's left to do was their classic stuff....and yes they did come back out, and continued to play longview, brainstew, jaded, minority, and finally We Are the Champions.....he is BY FAR, the best performer I have ever seen...now i love love love sevendust, of course, but honestly i just had so much genuine FUN at this concert, and he's so incredible, and even my mom was unbelievably impressed with him and how awesome he was onstage and with the crowd and just the whole show, which made me happy cause ive been waiting two fucking years for them to come around again so i could prove to mom how unbelievable they really are live....
so the concert's over....
and it was amazing....
and me and my mom are super-sleuths, so we find a small group of people waiting in the back of the building...."theyre gonna come out right there".....so we walk over and wait for approx. 2 hours.....after which security guards come out and put up freakin BARRICADES, ive never been to a show before where im able to see them afterwards and theyre so freakin big that they have to put up barricades outside the freakin door....alana is amazing and she ended up getting a spot at the very front of one of barricade and she let me stand where she was cause she's awesome and she can never really know how much that meant to me....cause then green day comes out....and i cant move, it sounds rediculous and idiotic but i honestly cant...and the people around me are trying to shove in front of me and i cant do anything but stand there speechless....billie fucking joe goes and stands RIGHT DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME and starts to sign autographs as fast as he could and he was just so freakin, like grounded and didnt seem to have any airs at all even though hes obviously freakin huge....like the guy to my right told him that he was the reason why he got into music and billie joe gave this like huge smile and said something to him that i cant remember cause i dont know where my head was at that moment but yeah it was sweet and then the guy to my left showed him the tattoo he had on his arm that was of the heart grenade (the picture on their new albums cover) and billie joe grabs his arm and goes "oh thats awesome!!! thats the first one!!!" and then i can manage my motor skills enough to lift my camera and take a picture before the big bouncer guys on either side of him take and pull him mid-signing into the big black suv......and then it was done....
yes im gonna use a quote by your favorite erica but it just seems to fit right about now...
FUCK YEAH.
i cant even describe everything i was feeling but you can imagine right...
i absolutely love billie joe....
i freakin have his face drawn on my wall...and then all that happened...
and green day as a band are freakin amazing, and one of my favorites, and i got to see them in such a little place in the middle of new york city for what was to be one of the best concerts of my life....
i wanna go back....there is absolutely nothing else like that feeling...
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[20 Sep 2004|04:50pm] |
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LINDZ HAS A LIVE JOURNAL.... go to lindzlovey911 and read her life...lol yesssss
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| billie joe is comin to town |
[17 Sep 2004|05:16pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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apusha ~ green day ~ american idiot :0) yes, the new one ahh |
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ahhhh today was nuts...
i originally wanted to get up at 5 in order to get ready and be down the street by 530/6 so id get in line bright and early for tickets...for what tickets you might ask?? oh, the green day tickets...green day is coming on TUESDAY to irving plaza, three blocks down from my dorm, its size comparable to a toad's or webster....thats right, green day, at a little club....i tried explaining to everyone that this was truly a once in a lifetime opportunity and it would be INSANE to let it go by so there was nothing i wouldnt do for these tickets...but alana still thought i was insane...haha but anyways i ended up oversleeping and got up a little before 7 so i got ready very quickly and raced down the street to go sit in line until 12 noon when the box office opened...good thing i did, cause i was like, 27th from the front and by the time the doors opened the line went down the block and around the corner, and who knows how much farther after that cause i couldnt see where it ended....THANK GOD....most of the people in front of me had camped out there the night before, blankets and make-shift shelters and such were everywhere and it was awesome cause i had always wanted to do that, sit for hours and wait for tickets, im not even kidding...you see it on movies and stuff all the time...internet had taken that away from us but i got to exerience it this time cause irving only allows for picking up tickets at the box office with cash...awesome
so anyways yeah i sat there for a good five hours with my headphones and reading my bible (lol, i mustve looked like such a wack-job but i had to read it for my con-west class...weird) while people constantly went by asking why everyone was sitting there on the sidewalk..."what are you waiting in line for?" "green day" "ohh...i thought it had to be someone famous cause theres so many of you"....another old guy- "how much are tickets?" "for this one its 40" "ohhh thats why its always so busy....concert tickets are usually 100 dollars" to his wife......some people would walk by and smile at our determination while others would walk by and scoff cause it truly looked like all the deadbeats from new york city had been thrown up on the sidewalk of irving place...it was cool though, i got to people watch and while i was looking in the rooms of the apartment building across the street i discovered a "spice girls forever" poster hanging on one of the walls...thats embarassing...
i hadnt eaten since the night before so alana called me after she got out of class and asked if i wanted food...my roommate's awesome, lol...so she comes down with pizza hut for me and just in time cause i found out that you were only allowed to buy two tickets each, and i need four...so she stayed for the last half hour and we bought our tickets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but not before the guy behind me passed out because i dont know why, maybe cause it took so long...i offerred him my pizza but he didnt want it...
but yeah so we had the tickets and i was ecstatic and then i told alana that the guy next to me was actually listening to the new green day cd (the reason for this exclusive concert, they're promoting it) and its not supposed to come out until tuesday....so i had asked him where he found it and he told me so i told alana and she decided we should go there and she would buy it (thank god, i have no money now...bank account's cleared) so we walk to 6th and fourteenth and go inside....and they have no more....so we're upset and walk out and she goes "did you ask where we'd be able to find more?" and im an asshole and didnt think of that so i ran back inside (literally) and asked him and he laughed and called their other branch uptown and he reserved a copy for us....so we figure out what subway train takes us up there and go, only to realize we got off one too early and walked for an additional 8 blocks and 2 cross town blocks (avenues, like 2-3 times original block sizes) and walked right past the place, so we get confused and decide to turn back to try again and we find it and buy the cd :0) aweosome awesome awesome
after again getting off a stop that was too far away we walked many more blocks and then collapsed back home and now im too excited for words cause this show is in FOUR DAYS and billie joe, who honestly, and i dont ever do this cause i think its stupid, i have a stupid groupie crush on lol so im ecstatic to see him sing live and up close, and mike and tre and i really just wish tuesday could come faster....and now ill be able to sing along cause we found the cd before it came out and it will be amazing....
i cant waiiit
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[10 Sep 2004|11:27am] |
oh oh oh oh oh~ aaaand, lol both my roommates have had an olsen twin sighting, but not me yet hahaha
alana saw ashley getting out of a big black tinted SUV with a big burley guy walking towards the gallatin building...
later kristen walked behind her going to class, through the park and into the silver building where she got on an elevator....lol i really didnt think theyd even go to class...but so far only ashley has been seen hahahaha
this is gonna get old REAL fast lol
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[10 Sep 2004|10:42am] |
so class started this week~
my modern jewish history class is gonna be real interesting i think, the teacher seems pretty good...
my writing the essay class will be hell, the teacher is kinda all over the place and every upperclassmen i talk to hated this class, so im a little scared...although our next assignment is to go to the metropolitan museum of art and pick a piece in the greece section and use it in this paper topic we're doing~ im excited, im going today for the first time, and ive wanted to go my whole life :0)
my calc class will be horrendous...thank god i already took it once, i have to email mr. kissinger and thank him a million times, lol cause my new teacher has a THICK accent (dunno what nationality, chinese, japanese, i have no idea) and has a little trouble speaking english so im SCREWED. ahh well
my conversations of the west class...amazing...im in love with my teacher, lol seriously~ my mom would also love him, he's honestly like an intellectual david draimen (disturbed) only no fangs...ahhh amazing, his class is gonna be very interesting, he has the same kind of teaching style as mr. blair...
so yeah those are my classes, thats it folks~
i dont really remember anything i did during the week, lol but yeah yesterday after lunch and stuff i ended up falling asleep (i dunno why im so tired) but maqsood nick and kyle woke me up (which means im finally getting along with some of my floor, lol thank god) and we walked down to cole's to the club/sport fair but the line to get in was like, around three blocks and we didnt wanna wait so we just walked back, im gonna have to go on my own time and see about the clubs and such..... then me and my roommates (alana and kristen) went to planet hollywood with the guy kristen is seeing, and he ended up paying for it all~ real freakin nice...that place is awesome, i freakin love it in there~ took a lot of pictures cause im a dork
i need to take future visitors to midtown, ive never been through it before but it is also exciting, lol so yeah i wanna go explore
later on i ended up watching the game in one of the rooms down the hall for a little while and actually talked to the people on my floor who havent talked to me cause i live with the RA...sucks :0/...
alright im a lazy piece of crap so im gonna go do something with myself....:0)
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[07 Sep 2004|09:38pm] |
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oh oh oh!!! ANNNND on saturday night me terra and brittney stopped at cosi's on the way home and made s'mores, cause that place is awesome and they give you a little fire thingy and sticks and marshmallows and graham crackers and chocolate and you roast them...lol okay thats it...
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[07 Sep 2004|04:17pm] |
mmmmm yeah its been a lonnnnng while since i last updated cause i got sick of it, lol.....summer was great~ sucks that it went by so fast~ but since i am now in new york i figure ill start updating about whats happened here so friends can look in on what im doing if we dont end up talking as much (which i really hope doesnt happen)
lasssst sunday~ moved into my third avenue north room at the exact same time as my roommate, which is really weird cause it was at night and the day after 80% of the people moved in.... my roommate's awesome and we're a lot alike in a lot of ways but in the ways that we're not shes better than i am so ill probably learn a lot from her, lol...my suitemate is the RA, which has its ups and downs but shes so incredibly nice...we unpacked and such and went to a luau thing in the courtyard downstairs but it kinda sucked so we left and continued to unpack....
monday....explored the city and went to some welcome week events (including this presidential address type thing with a parade to gould plaza with the rest of the 3000+ freshman class and gould plaza is an outdoor thingy in the city...love love love it...mary kate and ashley were not in attendance, by the way)
tuesday....explored the city and went to some welcome week events (including a picnic with a band at gould plaza...again, love my school)
wednesday....spent the day with alana (my roommate) and her parents....later that night we went out to dinner at some really awesome really expensive little place in soho with amazing amazing food...her mom's really nice and her dad's awesome...he ordered tequila as his dinner drink...lol...
thursday....mmm i forget?? at some point we went to rubin to guy and kelly's room, i think
friday....terra and brittney came up :0) eeeeeeeh i love it...ran some errands around the city before they came then went and got dinner with them and showed where the some of the main buildings of nyu were then sat in the fountain at washington square park, which is directly center of the major buildings of campus....yes, i said sat IN...lol you can sit around the fountain like inside, and can walk around in the shallow water of the huge fountain....love love love it, i think thats where ill spend most of my time reading stuff for school and such....i have pictures of this fountain and of most of the past week but i dunno how to put them in here so if anyone does (ahem, kelly, ahem) lemme know, lol....yeah then we heard some people singing and playing guitar in a corner of the park so we went and listened for a little bit...they were real good....we then stopped at k-mart to get food and drinks for the room, including macaroni and cheese yesss...while walking back to third north we got ben and jerry's (yesss, its a block away, how perfect is that???? i will be so fat) then went to my room and decided we were just gonna watch a movie that night...so we started but because terra is narcaleptic....is that how you spell it??...yeah she fell asleep and so did brit so i shut it off and woke them up cause i wanted do something, lol so we went downstairs on the bottom basement floor to show them the fun stuff my building has....we discovered the exercize/dance floor room and pranced around acting like assholes when eventually a very cute boy came in to use the equipment...lol he eventually ventured over on our side and we talked and he lives in my building and is extremely nice, i dont think he knows how hot is he, lol~ but yeah so that was cool~ im glad there's another rock fan who's nice in my building, im having a little trouble finding that combination lol...so yes after that was done we went upstairs and talked to alana then went to bed...
saturday....we woke up early and had breakfast (yeah mcdonalds) lol then went walking around soho to shop...mmmm actually we just stayed on broadway cause there were enough shops on that road alone to occupy us, but next time we will venture off on the side streets....so yeah we went shopping for a good few hours and i bought a pretty, long green skirt and get this....a red t-shirt that says smooth criminal and has the signature michael jackson "feet on his toes" picture and its awesome so yeah i bought that, i have a picture but again dunno how to put it here...but i will, lol...mm yeah so after leaving there and walking to washington square again for another store we walked back and crashed....i then made macaroni and cheese in my amazing pots that was a part of the amazing set lol in the kitchen and we ate and then after a while decided to venture to times square....so we get on the subway at union square and go, have icecream at coldstone (best ice cream place on the planet) then went and played in the huge toys r us....after as we were walking on the street a guy was passing out comedy club flyers so i took one and we decided to go...it was this little adorable place on a street off of times square, and we got dinner and sat through 7 or 8 hysterical comics...they were actually really funny, it was cool cause i had never been in a comedy club before....theennn the last guy that came on stage looked reeeeal familiar and then he said his name and i flipped out cause i knew i recognized him cause all i do is watch stand up on comedy central and he was on one of the premium blends...and i thought he was hysterical..sure enough he opened up with the same exact joke he opened with on tv and he was great, lol it was awesome...yeah we left and he was standing outside on the phone so i told him i saw him on tv and was real excited when i saw him go onstage and he was flattered and it was cool, lol~ yeah so then we went back to the dorm and again went downstairs and danced around for a while, then upstairs to talk and bed....
sunday....woke up and took terra and brittney to the subway station :0(... real sad....came back and did nothing around the room all day, then went and saw the manchurian candidate with alana and guy at the loewes across the street...real good movie...then walked around looking for a blockbuster, then i started feeling crappy so i decided to go back to the dorm....im such an ass
yeah then monday i again didnt do much, walked around trying to get my calc book and a work-study job and ask irving plaza for the literally 10th time when the green day tickets go on sale then had a floor outing around campus to find our classes....which was cool, cause i talked to some more of the people on my floor that i hadnt talked to yet cause i came a day late and for some reason they all grouped up in that one day, lol~ but it was cool, i liked a few of them alot...came back for the floor meeting then later watched october sky....an okay movie...
today was the first day of classes....my honors seminar will be awesome i think, it seems real interesting, but the other one will be horrendous...not too excited about it, and i need a book 3 essays and a paper due in 2 days...and my books have yet to come in...im screwed in other words....ahh well, ill figure something out...
okay thats it for now, that was really generalized but i dont feel like getting into detail lol...pictures soon, if i ever figure it out...
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| i wish |
[04 Jun 2004|05:42pm] |
i wish it were june 16th rather than whatever the hell day it is today
better yet i wish it were the end of august so i could be moving into new york to begin to start all over again
i wish my teachers were more understanding and didnt give final projects when my senioritis is full blown and raging
i wish i still had a best friend(s)
i wish i didnt have to spend all my time upstairs lately cause whats his face is over
i wish i knew what the hell i want to do with my life
i wish for once i had someone who loved me
i wish i were invited to the fun things my friends do
i wish june 13 would come faster so i can find some escape and be myself for a while
i wish i could break myself of this awful mood
hopefully i will when all this freakin routine stops and im in the most fast-paced city in the world.
i hate bad moods
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| long time no see |
[17 May 2004|12:08pm] |
its been a LONG time since i last updated...i dont feel like it anymore~ im actually only writing now cause im kindof forced to, sitting in the RC with nothing to do but wait for the bell to ring...im supposed to be going to see mr. kissinger third lunch~ in an attempt to be a good student and finally catch up on all the assignments i slacked off on when AP tests were going on...blech...but once im all caught up and stuff all stress is OFF...i love going to school now as it is, physics we do nothing but events cause the test is done~ all i have to worry about for that is the event i have to come up with before the end of school...history we do nothing but watch forrest gump and research stuff for our final projects~ which is a mural YESS on ms. nevins wall~ im real excited about that~ best project ever, i like to decorate walls, lol...better than paper...we've even slowed down in calc for some reason, watched a movie for the better part of last week and we freakin took notes, actual wordy notes in class today...then study...then french~ JOKE~ ...i have a paper to write for thursday but oh well, thats fine....and finally lit~ ive never minded lit cause we just sit there and listen to mr blair talk, which i love~and we only have one final paper to do for next month~ but yeah my days arent that bad now...
to top it off, senior trip to six flags is friday~ im real freakin excited...i love love love amusement parks...i hope its nice weather~ as much as i love the rain and even though it would still be fun even if its raining cause we find our ways to have fun in the rain~ itd be better if it were nice and hot and sunny, so im hoping for hot weather...im gonna hopefully borrow a skirt from erica cause i dont have any summer skirts, only black lol, so that way ill be cool and such cause i only own like, white shorts and thats not a very good choice for six flags, lol...
ahh im excited
ALSO!!!! lol it seems like every month i start a new countdown which is freakin awesome~ its cause these guys work their asses off and have done pretty much non-stop touring since they got together in the 90's...but sevendust EEEH sevendust is coming to toad's place on June 13...EVERYONE needs to go experience this, seriously it doesnt matter if you listen to them or not you just have to see them live at least once...so yes mark your calendars and please GO~
so...now to update all the old stuff ive passed over...
prom was two weekends ago...i got the red dress from new york that was pretty cool...and i went to do my hair at wild strawberry but brian doesnt do the whole prom hair wear thing so i didnt have him, but some other lady who did something nasty that i ended up brushing out...brian came over to talk though, lol even though i wasnt his that day :0) haha i love it...but yeah so i brushed it out and terra came over to curl it like it was for the play...but when i took those out i decided that sucked too so despite the objections of everyone waiting downstairs i washed it and blew-dry it straight...lol ya know, something different...it was the biggest girl episode of my LIFE~ usually it takes me like, 20 minutes to half an hour tops to get ready, so that was just rediculous...three hairstyles in the matter of a few hours...i wouldve killed myself if i was anyone else witnessing the event, lol...but yeah so we got to the green late and took like, 4 pictures then left to go to the aquaturf...found out at 4 30 that paul was going to have to leave prom and come back, "an hour later"...lol of course~ what else did i expect, that kindof crap always happened...good thing i was prepared though ( prepared cause most of the rest of my life turns out that way, i dont really get too disappointed anymore, which is kindof a good thing ) cause i still had an unbelievable time with everyone, it was a lot of fun...definitely an awesome last dance with everyone...overall good stuff...paul ended up coming back in the last 15 minutes, i didnt understand the point but whatever...afterwards went over joe armington's house...good times, very entertaining...because me erica and muriel were patient and stayed up after everyone crashed in random places in tents and on floors we ended up getting joe's mom's bed for the night :0) ahhh we're awesome...but yeah then the next morning we got up and went to the beach in niantic to stay for saturday night...absolutely amazingly gorgeous and beautiful....just beautiful...the hotel we stayed at (thanks to dan and his uncle) was literally right across from the ocean and he gave us like half the hotel to stay in absolutely free...to top it off he bought us food and alcohol and all i had to pay was 10 dollars cause we felt we ought to give him something...i played beer pong for the first time, and found out im pretty good at it actually~if i remember right i think myself and whatever partner i had won almost every game...me and erica or me and joe...it was a big night of firsts cause i saw erica really drunk for the first time in my life, lol shes freakin hysterical~ reminds me even more of my aunt jen when she's drinking which is pretty funny~i could sit here and go on and on and on about that weekend but #1. i dont really feel like it and #2. ill save that for my real journal, lol cause i dont think itd be of much interest to people reading this anyways...
but yes awesome times
THIS WEEKEND, lol well okay friday night mike tom craig and nicole came over ...crap bell rang~ gotta go bye, ill finish later*
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[05 May 2004|11:41pm] |
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WTF. |
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HIM |
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so many tears
just so many useless tears
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| aaron lewis is unbelievable |
[05 May 2004|05:56pm] |
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i love this mix |
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i dont understand it but im ALWAYS tired...almost every day i end up taking a power nap cause im freakin exhausted and even then i have to force myself to get up~ hopefully after this week ill be getting more sleep at night so i wont have to make up for it during the day BLAHHH!!
so yeah me terra erica my mom and brittney went to new york on sunday pretty spontaneously to finally find a dress, lol...we didnt find the store i actually wanted to go to new york in the first place for but we found about 60 other stores that we ran in and out of, lol sorry guys...when i see something i really like and want to buy it hits me, but anything less than that i pass over so we ended up speeding through store after store after store as i glanced over the clothes~ i felt bad cause i wouldve felt rushed and aggravated if someone else did that, lol...plus we walked like 500 miles on top of that...but overall it was good times, i love that my friends are goofballs (LOL goofballs, thats something terra would say :0) ) ... so out of all the stores i found one ehh possible dress but we left with nothing, lol...me and mom went back yesterday to find the store i originally wanted to go into and we did, and it was AWESOME...its called "gothic renaissance" and almost every single piece of clothing in there i would buy, lol...it had a bunch of like, old different cool looking accessories and knick knacks and stuff too~ its by the NYU dorms so itll probably end up being one of my favorite stores down there :0)
mmm thats another thing...im getting more and more scared of the whole new york college thing as time goes on, heh as much as i hate to admit it...im real nervous for a number of reasons...i dunno but im trying not to think about that too much and just concentrate on making the rest of this year awesome...
but yeah after a whole nother (nother?) trip to new york i ended up getting that other possible dress anyways, hahaha but i guess its cool and stuff~ its growing on me, i like it, lol...
i know there was some other stuff that happened that i wanted to write in here so i wouldnt forget, but whatdayaknow...i forgot...
me and terra were working on physics monday night when we realized we really were not capable of doing it alone and needed serious help, lol...so we called mike, but mike didnt have enough faith in his physics skills to help, called erik's house, but he wasnt home, called dave and turns out tom erik and craig were all over working on guess what...physics cause we're all nerds...terra didnt have her car cause her mom was using it or something and mom wasnt home so mike came to the rescue and drove us to dave's house, lol mike's our hero, and now we're "ride sluts"...an endearing nickname, i know...they were basically done when we got there, or at least tired of doing it so me and terra were pretty much working by ourselves off of craig's sheet, lol which was fine, thats all the help we needed...tom brought us home when we overstayed our welcome and we ended up working on it for another couple of hours, so terra just slept over...i cant wait till all this crap is over BLAHH
AP history test is this friday thank god...finally itll be OVER...after next monday (physics) my school workload will be so much lighter (im hoping) so im really excited...
the whole prom thing is starting to look up, thank god...this whole weekend should be fun, actually WOO :0)
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[01 May 2004|09:56am] |
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actually a pretty good mood |
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staind |
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so i havent updated since london, but i dont really feel like writing about it cause im lazy, lol so in summary it was an absolutely amazing experience i will never forget...
i dont even really feel like writing in here anymore...lately id rather write in my real journal cause there i can write everything im really feeling (which i dont do here) and ive been real emotional lately
i really dont want to go to prom at all anymore...i just dont...things are so screwed up and i dont really think theyre fixable, no matter how i try and figure out a way where it could still work...aaron lewis is doing a SOLO acoustic performance at mohegan sun prom night...i would drop prom in a heartbeat to go if we had tickets...fuck prom, seriously...everyone is so excited, which they have the absolute right to be, and every time its brought up i start to get nervous and anxious cause i dont know whats going on...i may as well not go, i mean i dont even have a fucking dress...if mom finds a way to get us tickets i just wont go...i wouldnt really wanna miss that anyways, he's one of my favorites (i mean, i drew him on my wall), and it would be amazing to see a solo performance...haha im saying that like i wouldnt really care to miss prom, but ya know, oh well~ i would absolutely miss spending that night with friends, of course...but i dunno itd be a slap in the face in many ways, dont really think i have to explain why...but anyways yeah aaron was doing a live planet of sound yesterday (my mom called and told me to put it on), and ive never really heard him do an interview before...it was cool, he seemed real mellow and almost withdrawn, you could almost tell he doesnt really know what to say to people ("my problem is i dont have much to say"), and yet he pours his heart out in every single song he writes...i dunno you could tell from the one interview how genuine he was though, i dunno how to explain it...and the songs he did were probably the best ive ever heard on planet of sound...itd be awesome to see him next week...
i saw brian yesterday :0) lol im such a dork...i freakin love my hairdresser...honestly, if you never have before, every single person NEEDS to get their hair washed by brian at wild strawberry...it will be the best couple minutes of your life, lol...okay exaggerating but not that much actually, he's AWESOME...his girlfriends picture wasnt on his mirror hahahaha~ i found out he lived on oxford street in london (not too far from our hotel) for a month while he was studying hairdressing with vidal sassoon or paul mitchell or one of those, freakin crazy...and we talked about new york cause he goes there like every day of his life and he said to look in brookstones cause they have these awesome pop up maps of new york, and he said that if they didnt sell them anymore he'll give me one of his cause he has two...lol woo...i love getting my haircut haha
sara came over last night (big surprise, lol) and there was absolutely nothing to do~ so we watched my michael buble dvd (i turned it off pretty quickly, lol i could tell she was getting bored, i understand haha), then watched billy joe grow up through the green day videos haha then fought with my sister and her friends who now think they own my room, watched tv and went to bed, lol...very uneventful friday night...
hopefully something is found to do tonight~ now i must get ready for the day BYE
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| why? |
[17 Apr 2004|01:07am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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some people whining on a disney channel show |
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(see above)
~the answer to that question is the most sought after...just why?
tonight was cool~went to the mall with sara and terra (the erra's) to get some last minute london stuff, erica met up with us when she got out of work...we then went to my dad's house :0) to visit haylee~my favorite uncle was there again who i love and my dad put on a magic show for sara erica and terra haha....he's actually good, but just the corniest person alive...i miss him and denise and connor and taylor and my uncle, so it was cool to visit....terra then went home cause her mom was mad, but me sara and erica went to athenian and met up with muriel nicole and kelly....
okay, really weird thing that erica actually brought to my attention....all in the same night, sara saw ben at athenian, erica saw her old friend eric at athenian, someone else hung out with someone else that night, and jon was looking at/getting into someones car in front of us at the mall....i love how we dont speak anymore...but anyways yeah thought that was a little weird, 4 in one night...i wonder why things happen the way they do, like whats the reason for that? i dunno just strange, anyways i have to finish getting ready and stuff for tomorrow :0) goodnight *
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| holy crap |
[16 Apr 2004|07:08pm] |
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mood |
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no words to describe |
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music |
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miiiiiiiiiiichael buble wooooooo come fly with me please |
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holy crap~ 19 and a half hours and counting...woah...words cant describe the excitement...freakin london...ahhh~it wont be as fun without all of us there, itll definitely feel like somethings missing~but im gonna find something cool for the one who's getting left behind :0/ lol.... awesome...
in addition to that~allllll stress is gone for the week, thank GOD....considering last night i had to write a paper for history, study for a history exam that was on everything we've learned this year, including crap we had to do during the summer (yeah i bombed that one), study for calc, and write the script for national honor society...thats what you get for being the biggest procrastinator alive...okay its a tie between me erica and sara...lol...buuuut its all over so im happy :0)
this week, tuesday i think~yup tuesday erica sara and terra all slept over and we had a board game party, lol...i love the random sleepovers...mike came over too, lol he loves being the only one with a penis in the house...haha (his words)...so yeah we played don't wake daddy (mike's real scared of the dad) and pictionary (in which, by the way, me and erica made a killer comeback to crush sara and terra~yessss we're awesome)...during our victory lap i was scraped by the screwed up foosetable however and got a pretty nasty bruise which sucked but its k cause we still won and we're the champions...somewhere arounnnnnd i think 2 or something we went to stop and shop to look for something to eat, then realized we were all too lazy to make anything ourselves so went to athenian instead...good times overall~i loved those capt days and going in at 10 30 *sniff* *tear*
okay i have to go get stuff together and whatnot...i cant believe i procrastinated on getting this all organized too, lol i need to get help hahaha....bye!
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| wow |
[12 Apr 2004|06:30pm] |
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mood |
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refreshed |
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music |
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the music from the movie HONEY hahaha |
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okay so, finally time to update again...
im gonna start with today and go backwards, so i leave the best for last :0)
i stayed up till like 1 this morning reading 42 freakin spirit articles and doing analysis...analysises...analysi...whats the plural of that word?? okay well i was going through them till 1, went to sleep till 4 30, then got up to finish the rest of them...i go into school today EXHAUSTED cause i didnt get too much sleep all weekend either and i find out we dont have to hand them in till thursday...now if i had been the normal non-homework do-er that i am i wouldnt have stayed up to do them, i probably would have given up and went to bed and then have everything work out okay like it usually does, but nope...this time i decide to be a good student and we get an extension~oh well, at least i did em, haha....french long period today, AHHHH...that class sucks, i mean, she's a trip and everything and i cant help but laugh the entire time at the stuff she says but overall its a bad bad class...by the way nicole, stop doing the clown in the class room...LOL...and understand please...
yesterday was easter, didnt do a whole lot...stayed around here with my mom (got a few cd's in my basket yayyy, haha no surprise though cause i picked them out the day before~HIM, fiona apple, CKY, and the international superhits dvd which by the way sara you need to see)...then went over my dad's house for the rest of the night to visit them and haylee :0) beautiful...my uncle who i havent seen in FOREVER came over too, which is cool, he used to be my favorite uncle~such a cool guy...
saturday after driving home from new jersey (eeeeh!) i had to be dropped off directly at the five hour course thing at sears academy of driving....yes its true, im officially that much closer to FINALLY getting my license, haha so sad so sad...but yes i went, it was an unbelievable waste of 5 hours of my life, the people in it were INCREDIBLY rude and obnoxious it was absolutely rediculous, and we didnt get much done but at least i got it over with...the people around me were nice so at least there was that, haha...after that i went and saw the pictures we took the night before (EEEH!!, ill explain later) then went home and slept...saturday night i didnt do much, had some quality time with my mom woo...
okay im gonna jump over friday and talk about thursday first, cause i know as soon as i start to describe it im gonna ramble so i wanna get this out of the way before i forget, haha...
thursday night was fun~me sara and lindz went to the meriden mall and watched lindz buy 10 shirts and 10 pairs of pants that were exactly the same, lol then we went and sat in lindz's car for literally over an hour while we waited for erica and muriel to meet us there~ GOOD TIMES, haha we're such morons but it was funny...sara's journal has more about that....then we all went to hooters on the pike followed by a stop at krispy kremes before driving home...im not gonna bother writing what happened cause muriel already did that so beautifully and truthfully and with incredible detail in her journal, so just read that~hahahaha...
WHICH BRINGS ME TO FRIDAY
awesome...awesome...we kindof got a late start after having to get changed at terra's and drop off money at andrea's house and go get something to eat, then go back cause they messed up brittney's, then have to go somewhere else to get food for brittney cause they had messed up again, then realize we were going the wrong way and have to then go the right way...but we did finally end up on the road to new jersey, only getting lost a few times, lol but the toll booth people in new york were incredibly incredibly patient and helpful with telling us where to go, haha honestly im not being sarcastic, they were really nice~so with the help of the toll booth people, another older man in a really weird out of the place 25 cent toll booth, a random guy at a rest stop, and a woman walking out of a convenience store we finally got to the starland ballroom at about 7 15, when doors opened at 7...i was hoping to get there earlier than that so we'd be closer to the stage to begin with and wouldnt have to fight our way later but its okay we ended up getting up there anyways once sevendust came on, plus i like to push and fight to get up there anyways, haha... so yeah the place was actually really nice inside, i liked it alot... bigger than both webster and toads, but still a cool place...and in between sets this big screen would come down and showed like, dirt biking and other racing accidents and such which i thought was an awesome idea cause i always get bored waiting in between and it was something to watch if you felt like it, even though the movie itself did get boring after a while, cause it was the same thing over and over again...but yeah so apartment 26 played, who i thought was really really good, just should not have played with sevendust cause it was the wrong crowd for the type of music they played...many assholes were yelling stuff at the stage and such, which sucked but the guy from the band handled it surprisingly well~i dunno i thought they were good....then cold came on...ahhhh...theyre awesome, really very good...but unfortunately my body chose that specific point in time to start hurting (cramps), only they were the worst ive ever had in my life, seriously, so much so that i started to get nauseous~the guy next to me saw it and kept saying he would take me out of there if i needed to, but i told him no, cause i didnt wanna have to miss any of cold or lose my spot...then the room started spinning, but i didnt wanna make the nice guy lose HIS spot so i turned around and pushed out of there and just made it to some stairs when i couldnt walk anymore and fell on them...one of the bouncer guys said i couldnt stay there but saw my face (my sister said was white) and helped me up and over to a chair backstage, after first kicking another girl off of it...he offered to go get me water which i thought was incredibly nice, these bouncers rocked, and helped alot cause my whole mouth was dry~it was weird...but yeah everything happens for a reason cause as i was sitting there brittney (who followed me out) told me to look at the door next to me, so i did, and there was a paper on it that said "sevendust's dressing room" EEEEEH! so as i sat there and people walked in and out i saw lajon changing, haha literally~he's adorable...mm he's added to that top 5 list from a survey i did a long time ago where i couldnt think of the fifth one, by the way, eeeeh...but yeah so once i felt better i wanted to get back out there so i didnt miss too much of cold so we went back inside to where terra and mom still were...(my mom said she didnt come follow me cause she knew id get pissed if she lost the spot where we were standing, haha im glad she knows me so well)...but yeah cold played like literally TWO more songs and then was done, their set was incredibly short, and they didnt play bleed...which absolutely sucked, cause thats what i was most excited about~ i NEED to hear him sing it live once, seriously...absolutely have to...but anyways its okay cause i got to ask him why he didnt play it afterwards HEHE more about that later...
and now sevendust...
okay well first, i was talking to the guy next to me (different guy then the one before) and i told him i was from ct and just drove to nj cause theyre my favorite, and he said hes also seen them like 10 times ( i love fellow true sevendust fans, theyve all seen em a hundred times cause theyre just THAT good, honestly) and he said hes met them like 7 out of the 10 times, cause it doesnt matter if theyve played like 10 straight shows at a time, they almost always find time to come out and talk to people that are waiting outside, cause theyre that awesome...so anyways he says that if he catches anything he'll give it to me cause he has a lot of stuff from them already, including one of morgan's drumsticks signed, which i said i was incredibly jealous of cause thats been my goal every time ive seen him, to catch one of his sticks...but ANYWAYS, sevendust starts...if youve never seen them live, there's really no way i can explain that experience to you...even if you dont know a single one of their songs and have never listened to them in your life its a guaranteed awesome experience...i dunno for some reason the energy that is involved in one of their concerts is the most out of any show ive ever seen, and it keeps getting better every time...its just my favorite place in the world~i wish it could be like, a once a week thing, id be the happiest person alive, seriously...seriously...and its sad but theres really no other place where i can say i feel more myself than there...i dunno it sounds corny or whatever but everyone and everything else disappears and im just me...i dunno, it was awesome, and their set was really long AND they played shine which they havent played for the last like three times ive seen them and its one of my favorites so i was real excited...thats an understatement, by the way~haha...also a big plus~this particular sevendust concert was rough, not like toad's place hi i feel like im gonna die from suffocation and trampling rough but definitely very physical...which is awesome, cause it was terra's first experience with stuff like that and i love being the one to introduce people to that kind of release, haha....seriously, i think fight club would really work for that reason~the whole fighting for release thing, lol...good stuff...but okay best part...I CAUGHT MORGAN"S DRUMSTICK...haha which is ironic considering the conversation i had with that guy earlier...but yes, i now have morgan's drumstick... :0)...so sevendust was done, they were amazing as always, and we all went outside and then around to the back where we saw scooter and the guitarist from COLD talking to people ahhhhhh and they both signed our tickets and i got to ask scooter why they didnt play bleed cause i was looking forward to hearing it live so incredibly much, and he told me why and stuff but i asked him if they were coming around ct on this tour cause i wanted another opportunity to see them live and hear that song so im hoping he considers adding it to the set...i dunno, but yeah so then we talked to the guitarist from cold, who was actually incredibly nice and funny and we got a picture with him (didnt have the camera out when scooter was there, which sucks), then went to go wait by sevendust's bus for them...clint was the only one who ended up coming out which is understandable cause it was only sevendust's like second night back in the country so they were busy enjoying themselves inside...but yeah we took a picture with him and i had him sign the drumstick :0) eeeeeeh....then we took a picture of this kid and him because he was freaking out cause clint was his idol and he gave us his address to send the picture to him...my mom's awesome with stuff like that, lol~but yeah he was incredibly grateful and the picture ended up coming out awesome...
so finally we drove until 4 30 when we checked into a howard johnson motel thing and slept for four hours before getting up and leaving again haha cause i had to be at that course thing for 10....
awesome, awesome, awesome times......ahhhhh
okay this entry is way too long, lol bye
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| ahhhhh |
[08 Apr 2004|05:15pm] |
one day one day one day one day one day one day one day one day one day one day one day one day ONE DAY one day one day one day one day one day one day
nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days nine days
how excited am i??
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| never fully awake |
[05 Apr 2004|07:00pm] |
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mood |
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i dunno |
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music |
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tv~i have no idea what brittneys watching |
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i havent updated in a while, mainly due to the hours and hours spent at play...not really a bad thing though, this year actually ended up being the most fun out of any other year~the play was just a fun play, and even though it seemed like no one got along, the more i think about it and look back everyone really did have a good time, i mean it was the first and ONLY year that people actually complained about us not being able to stay later during hell week cause we wanted to make sure it was perfect...i dunno i just thought that was cool...not to mention it was the first play i actually felt a part of, even if it was a small part woo...i didnt think itd hit me as hard as it did that yesterday was the end of all wolcott high school plays (for me i mean), but it really did...however many times ive hated matt harreck and wanted to strangle him etc, i honestly dont know how the play will function next year when he's no longer director...i mean, some of the crap he does is wrong but he really drives the play and knows what he's doing...i dunno...but ive never seen him cry before and he started to when he was saying goodbye to those he's worked with for four years, and how much he hated to leave this program cause he loves it so much, he was there when it started etc etc etc, how this is the best cast he's ever worked with and so on..i dunno it was cool...but yeah i didnt really think id be hit too too hard by graduation let alone this but after yesterday i realized im gonna be a MESS in june....i dunno its weird
last nights cast party was the first cast party i didnt leave early at, lol it was actually pretty fun~it was at bridget dunn's house (the mayor's house LOL) and we ended up staying till like 12, and joe played his michael jackson "ones" cd and we danced around like idiots and it was awesome cause michael always always puts me in a good mood, no matter whats goin on...yeah but it was fun*
friday after the show we went to chili's~ hot waiter was working woo lol...erica figured out i have such a thing about him cause he kindof reminds her of michael buble, in a way...i agree, lol...which is weird cause when i first met him i thought he looked like billy joe (ahhh) but now he really does remind me of buble lol...yeah then saturday the cast went to athenian~yay for fries with cheese and gravy, i love nicole for introducing me to those things :0) yeah good times over all
i love the fact that capts cut out so much time from school, its freakin awesome...last week we went out to breakfast and still had like an hour to spare before school~we went over terra's house to try and catch erica on the radio but we missed her :0(...yeah then we were talking and someone said something that broke my heart (im not gonna say the name cause i know she didnt do it to be mean and was just kidding around, i just took it to heart) but yeah terra was talking about this girl she dances with who has this really ugly boyfriend who's really tall and skinny and lanky and weird, and someone goes "oh like tiffany? haha i had to say it, it was out there" whiiiiich sucked, but oh well what are ya gonna do~but because of the state of mind ive been in lately it upset me~but its done, moving on lol...
yeah prom tickets go on sale soon...as it stands right now im not going, no date~which sucks hardcore...but theres no way im going solo, i think sara is the only one who understands that...
ohhh man, this entry started really upbeat and now its depressing, i didnt mean for that to happen...
okay so on the good side sevendust and cold in FOUR count them FOUR days, and london in less than two weeks...awesome awesome awesome
anyways im finally done~theres so much more i wanted to say but i dont feel like it anymore, haha...
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[30 Mar 2004|10:38pm] |
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mood |
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nearly burnt out |
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music |
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boy meets world theme music |
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the play consumes my life. thats pretty much all you need to know to be informed of the past week or so
other than that, friday watched riding in vans with boys (follows around kut u up, the band that played the side stages for GREEN DAY and blink 182's tour 2 summers ago)...ahhh i love billy joe...not billy joel by the way, but billy joe, no "l" lol...but yeah me and sara watched that till erica got out of work then went to athenian cause it was far to late to make the trekk to the pike...
saturday me sara lindz went to friendly's with some of her lifeguarding coworkers...the people at our table were pretty nice, but the girls at the opposite table had a problem with us for some reason, i dunno~ girls suck, why cant we just be friends? annnyways~yeah mike and tom were there also, with their bristol friends...after friendly's their friends went home and the rest of us just came over my house and watched tv...
i learned that i have a serious problem with letting things go...i think about things way too long after theyre done and over with....so with that ive decided i give up*
some awesome (and a few not so awesome) countdowns:
3 days till opening night
10 days till one of the best days of my life
18 days till my first time out of this country
37 days till last AP test and prom (if that happens)
51 days till senior trip
not too sure how many days till graduation...but its sometime soon after that
...ya know....if i spend all my time watching the clock until the next period and counting the periods till the end of the day and counting the days till the end of the week and counting the weeks until the next month and counting the months until its over etc etc etc...ill have missed out on a huge chunk of life that ill never get back...maybe i should stop doing that then...
yay for the tons of homework i start now*
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